Shopping

This is probably one of the most girly, if not the most girly topic I had ever written about in my life.

I have seriously developed a love-hate relationship with this activity and I cannot make up my mind which one to choose.

I mean, shopping is actually therapy to me. I usually find myself going to the mall after my midterms, after handing assignments, after writing quizzes, after a stressful day at work, after wiring my finals...you get the point. I feel brain dead and the only thing I focus on is what's going to match the pair of shoes I bought last week and wether or not the shirt I was trying on would fit this party I am going to.

Literally, stupid and brain dead. Nothing about the world bothers me, I could careless of what is happening around me. I could care less about school, boys, being single forever, and even the fact that I should probably lose some weight to fit into those black pants.

I can feel my IQ levels dropping in a speed I cannot even comprehend as I continue to walk through every store and analyze each and everything that touches my fingers.

Let's now get to the other side. To reality, to how much I hate it.

Let me start with one thing: I am a broke student. I have a nice government loan that I am going to be paying back with interest when I finally graduate next year and I have no idea if I am going to score a job at the accounting firms that I've applied to. I am trying very much to save my money so that I can afford to be jobless for a couple of months after graduation.

When I see clothes, I swear to God, I can hear them talking to me. It's freaking strange and creepy and I can't stop the voices in my head. Buy this, buy that, you need that, you must have that, you can't live without this, it would look so good with that new blue shirt you bought...it's a never ending conversation and a battle I always seem to lose.

In the end I come out spending more than I can afford and it makes me so depressed and unhappy that I start binge eating and feeling sorry for myself. How fucked up is that?

Don't even get me started with how much I hate how I look in some clothes that I start being so angry at the store I hold a grudge for a good couple of months. Take La Vie En Rose for example, stupid ass Lingerie store doesn't have a bra my size. I wish I could just sue them for being discriminatory towards big bobbed girls. On top of that, they have the cutest outfits too. It just makes me cry inside when I can't find a matching bra to the sexy lace attached to it.

I no longer shop at La Vie En Rose indefinitely.

So not only am I a broke student who clearly can't afford all the shit I am buying every couple of weeks, but now the stores that I love don't even have my size. Seriously, it's not fair. It makes me feel fat even though I am not.

I am not the only one in this sinking ship, am I?