Mondays

Work Problems Mondays are my biggest death wish. I hate them with passion and I literally sit and count down the minutes till my lunch break and until I am finally free from this hell. It’s not like I am hating on my job, I just hate this one co-worker who I have the displeasure of working with every Monday.

There’s only one word to describe her: she’s a bitch. A high class bitch who is so fucking insecure about herself she has to make others make feel bad to make up for her unhappiness. She’s my assistant branch manager who is in charge of all the representatives. Usually she’s in charge of watching your performance, creating monthly schedules, taking care of admin issues and resolving customer conflicts.

Her job is as depressing as her, I am sure. Maybe that’s why she is so bitter and takes out her anger on us. She has two favorite people for whom she will basically do anything. It’s so freaking annoying. Anytime they need a day off or if they have some kind of a problem she always makes sure to resolve it for them. But when it comes to the others, especially me, she’s downright rude.

I don’t know what I did to her but she doesn’t even say hi to me. I mean fucking seriously? You’re 25 and you don’t have the basic manners learned yet? On Mondays I am in charge of the lobby and making sure everyone’s problems get resolved. We are also required to take down survey’s regarding client satisfaction.

Those surveys are probably the most useless thing made on earth. No one actually bother with them unless a manger is around. When I work however, she constantly asks every single time a client leaves why I haven’t completed the surveys and every time I move from my spot she shoots me dirty looks. It’s so rude and disgusting; I am fighting the urge to walk up to her and slap her across the face. She needs a wake up call; the world does not revolve around her spray tanned face.

She gives me shit all the fucking time. For no reason at all. She’s jealous because the manager is nice to me, she’s jealous because I am performing well and she’s fucking jealous because I freaking exist. She doesn’t even let me take a personal day for religious holidays. I am so upset and hurt by her and I know I shouldn’t let this effect me, especially since I am not at fault. She’s on constant PMS and it makes me wonder if her boyfriend isn’t doing it for her anymore.

I’ve tried being civil to her, tried to greet her regardless of her attitude and even tried to make a conversation. But I refuse to let her step over me like this. If she’s rude, I’ll be rude just as well. I am actually enjoying my job these days but she’s ruining it for me and I refuse to let her get to me.

Please tell me I am not the only one in this ship.

University is Overrated

This is something I wrote last year when I was going through a tough time at school. Somehow reading this now, is very much how I feel like right now. 

I usually don't vent out on school work and stuff like that, but I've become really sick of it lately. Yeah, I get it, I am in my second year, I should be used to this already, I've gone through 3 semesters of the same crap, but seriously, I need a break.

I am sick of the midterms (I've had 5 already in a mere 3 week period), assignments, and essays that prove absolutely nothing to me. I am a business-accounting major but I am starting to hate every single course I am taking. And it isn't because the material is boring or hard to comprehend, I wish it was.At least that was t would make sense that I don't belong in the field but this is something completely different. These midterms are sucking the life out of me. I hate them. I hate the concept of cramming. It serves no use whatsoever in anything. What's the point if I forget everything two weeks later. I'd rather do an assignment in a group or something, where I'd actually learn something, not just memorize the shit of it. 

I wish school was somehow different. I wish it wasn't all theory based. I wish I could go out there and practice the things I learn. But I can't because I haven't earned the degree yet and I have no eperience.

And sometimes, I just wish I went to college instead of university. I am a practical person and sitting and memorizing organizational behaviour, or cost behavious or stock behaviour is just bullshit you learn while you practice. Fuck University  and its stupid overrated reputation. I am better off working making money and learning something while at it, rather than paying thousands of dollars towards courses and content I'd never see again in my life.

H.

My Latest Addiction

So lately I've been obsessed with everything Turkey. And I mean everything. Language, culture, dramas, celebrities, music, and did I forget to mention dramas?

This always happens to me at the worst time. Right when I have three huge, important exams coming up, I remember that I haven't watched this episodes or that I need to catch up with another show and check up on the not so personal life of Kerem Bursin. I mean, seriously? Why? I can't get enough. I've started learning the damn language and speaking it to my parents (who speak Azeri which is thankfully similar so they don't think I've completely become insane).

I can't get enough. I've even started translating dramas into English, which is so hard if it's not your naive language. They have Russian subtitles which I later translate to english with great difficulty because my Russian is equivalent to a 5 year old. It's a long tedious, boring, difficult talk and I really wonder why the hell I do that when my accounting material is easier than that.

Please tell me I'm not the only one in this boat.

H.

Continue, Modify, and Change

So I decided to try something new mixed with a touch of old.

I am going to start writing again, but this time its going to be random. This time, I am going to quote things that I find interesting, hilarious, happy, sad, and anything in between. With that, I am going to also to share a bit of my writing that I had abandoned in the past couple of months. I am going to review books, share a song that took my breath away, and talk about the nonsense that sometimes crawls up in my head. I am going to stop trying to impress my readers with killer long chapters, and write for myself. I deserve that chance. I deserve to write however, whenever and whatever I feel. And this time, I am going to stick to it.

H.

"You're an asshole. That's a permanent personality deficit."

This one is going to be short.

I stumbled upon a quote that grabbed my attention when I was reading a book the other day. Taken from Jenny Penn's Mating Claire, the quote was said by the heroine directed at the hero: "You're an asshole. That's a permanent personality deficit."

Am I am the only one who thought this quote was hilarious? I don't know what it is, but maybe it was the way she said it or maybe the way the author worded herself, or maybe I just find the tiniest things funny. I had to stop for five minutes just to laugh it out. I was seriously thinking something must have been wrong with me. I've never, ever, in my life have read such a line in a book. I've had my fair share in comedy, romance, mystery and not once have I spend minutes studying the eight word sentence like I had a couple of days ago. 

Anyway, just wanted to let out a little bit of the nonsense that's been in my head. 

For those who are interested in reading this book, I don't really recommend it. I admit I gave it a good rating (4 out of 5 stars), but only because it had a decent plot, good romance, and werewolves. Yeah, I'm a sucker for romance, what else is new?

H.

Change is Difficult

So I heard that one of the ways that a person can change their living style is if they start a fresh page from today. Not tomorrow, not next week, not next month. I keep saying that to myself. I keep saying that I'll start to exercise more often, eat less, and focus on school more.

But as each day pass by, I fail every damn time. It's sad and embarrassing to admit how lazy I've become, how unmotivated and boring my life is. I've started noticing disappointment in my parents' eyes and I feel like a total failure. There's nothing worse than having your loved ones lose their belief in you. It makes you feel like crap and you realize how terrible and awful you've become. 

I want to change, I really do. I need to lose more than a few pounds, feel more confident in myself and apply to a new job. I want to be happy with myself. I want to go out and not feel like the ugliest girl in the group. I want guys to check me out and talk to me. I want attention, as shameful as it is to admit. I want to feel like a young woman. 

I've told myself countless times that I am going to change, to show everyone how I can do it. How I can become someone. My sisters both do it in a seamless manner, hell even my old fashioned dad whose too stubborn to know better, has more motivation than I do. 

The worst thing is that I feel unattractive. No matter how many new clothes I buy, or how much makeup I've invested in, or how fashionable I've become. I feel ugly. It's something so virile, so dark inside that it suffocates me from the inside. I cannot look at the mirror and smile at the woman staring right back at me. 

I wish I was 15 again. I wish I could go back in time and change things that I was too stupid to notice what big mistakes they were. If only I'd listened to my mother then, if only I'd look past the computer that was glued to me and start looking around me. If only...

This isn't a letter that I am writing towards my steps of changing. This is just something that I've been feeling for a while now, something that had been heavy on my shoulders. I just wish I had enough will power and determination to do something about it. 

Two Years

I am not sure who follows this blog anymore, but it's been over two years since I've last posted anything special. I have so many things to say, honestly, it's been a crazy 2 years. I've transferred from one university to another, made new friends, started to live differently, took writing seriously for a change, etc.

I want to become a writer. I really do. I feel like I have a story to tell, one that would probably not make a lot of you happy but have some of you interested for sure. My writing sucks compared to the professional authors out there, but I am trying. I try to read as much as I can despite the fact that I have five courses, and a part time job to balance. I love writing and I don't think anything will stop me. I have faith in myself and enough encouragement for people to read and enjoy my work. I truly believe in myself.

Therefor, I will be posting soon, again. I used to love drabbles, I am sure you can see that. I think I'm going to pick up where I left of.

Tanks for the support and I promise to post soon. I really do.

Hiba