My Own Pace

I don't believe in love. I've never experienced nor have felt it. I don't know what it is, so don't ask me if I love you or not. I don't know. I don't want to know.

I'm afraid. Afraid of what my response will be. I'm scared to fall because if I do, no one will pick up the pieces of my broken heart. Not you, not anyone.

Let me live the way I want to. Let me stay in one piece as I lose myself in you. Let me believe what I want, no matter how absurd it may seem to be. Let me do what I think is right —not love you at all. Let me be carefree. Let me continue lying to myself, even if it isn't true. Let me stay in your arms even though our thoughts are worlds apart.

          .

Just please don't bring it up. Don't ruin the perfection you’ve created for me. Don't talk about it, don’t use it against me. Lie to me, look away but still smile. I'm not ready yet. When I will be I'll tell you, I promise. Don't give up on me yet, my time will soon come.       

Until then, wait for me.

If you don’t, I might just disappear.